By Thadra Sheridan

One girlfriend.
Must be willing to sit up late at night
giving advice
and back rubs.
Must be a good listener.
Must know when to
fuck off
and leave me alone.
I require sex at any given moment.
If you are not around,
I will seek service
from a temp agency.
Must make coffee,
do dishes,
appreciate my taste
in books and music.
Must be available,
but not intrusive.
Must be charming and clever.
Must keep mouth shut at appropriate times.
Must be willing to participate
in any sport I choose.
Must not beat me in any of said sports.
Must mirror my moods.
Must like my friends.
If you already have a life,
you need not apply.

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