Just Say No to Love

Katharine Miller

Love. I want to talk about this certain four-letter word. A word that is potentially dangerous and can have serious repercussions when it is used. Some of you may have heard about it or seen it on television. Some of your parents may have been in love. You may have be in love yourself.

Television shows and movies want us to believe that love is groovy, swell, "da bomb." Hollywood has glamorized it for us. Love is beautiful, love is grand, love can make the world go 'round. Michael Bolton says that love is a wonderful thing that can make you smile through the pouring rain. But who's going to trust a man who has bad hair?

Tune out the hype and listen up: Love is a full-time addiction. Oh, it starts out small with a seemingly harmless crush. But soon, you're hooked and looking for something stronger. You're enamored, lustful, and filled with desire, leading up to the hardest drug of all: l'amour. And boy, can it be dangerous. Look at Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, or any couple on the Jerry Springer show.

Love can happen at any time, in any place, but it most commonly occurs in the spring. Mr. or Ms. Wonderful enters your life and it begins. You discover that you enjoy the same type of music, the same motion pictures. You find your special Celine Dion song on the jukebox at the local diner. Things are going great and there is a great deal of swooning and baby talk. But soon he needs more. She needs a commitment. You're lost in a moment and it slips out. "I love you." And it's such a rush to say it. You say it again followed by empty promises of forever. You believe in it, like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus or the Cubs winning the World Series.

You'll find yourself latching onto a person and losing interest in other things, like eating, bathing or working. Sure, it's great at first, like any high. But soon you find yourself in a loop of questions. "Where is he? What's she doing? Who's he with? Will he call me today? What will we do tonight? Does she love me as much as I love her? Will he always love me? Will I get laid?" This is often followed by unexplainable rashes, nausea, and a host of very annoyed friends.

Love causes you to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do, like serenade a woman outside her apartment building on a moonlit night, leave the toilet seat down, or rummage through bargain basements searching for Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits.

Love is the leading cause of marriage, making out in parked cars, suicides, and bad poetry by 13-year-old girls. But even armed with the knowledge of its side effects, people still insist upon falling in love. No rehab clinic or 12-step program can cure it. So my mission, and I do choose to accept it, is to prevent love from spreading further and causing even more damage.

Therefore, I propose a "Just Say No to Love" campaign. Make the youngsters aware of love and its harmful side effects, frightening pitfalls, and dangers. Together, we can save some lives and restore some semblance of sanity to the world. If you or someone you know has the following symptoms: loss of appetite, sleeplessness, glazed-over eyes, aloofness, and a fondness for Michael Bolton music, they may be in love. Act quickly, get help, and just say no.

© Katharine Miller

Katharine Miller is a freelance writer residing in sunny Florida. She acts as webmaster for CurableRomantic.com, where she dissects relationships and HTML. In her spare time, Katharine paints furniture, blogs, and photographs her funny-looking cat.

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