Female or Fantasy?

Maggie Blackshear

When did everybody else's fantasies become my business? I'm not talking about pornography. Pornography is great. It's well labeled, it has a purpose, and in general everybody can get what they want. The best part is, I don't have to know about it. The imagination is a beautiful thing.

Like all women, I am constantly being reminded that my image should be sexually pleasing. Since my body matured I have been bombarded with advice about how I can appear even more seductive than nature already made me.

"You know what you need? A bellybutton ring."

"You're right! A hole in my stomach is just what I've been missing. Thanks!"

It is not enough just to appear physically pleasing. My personality and behavior are similarly scrutinized for their seductive attributes. My sexual preferences are open to question and comment. I am expected to reveal more, take off more layers, until I am so intimate that people feel as if they knew me once upon a dream (and probably did.) People let me know what turns them on, because obviously I just want to please them. Please - just keep it to yourself.

Society is filled with pleasing sexual fantasy personas, models for women to strive for. If you happened to see a certain cologne advertisement on TV at Christmas, then you know that a fantasy woman would dress up as a sailor and sneak onto a Navy ship to bring her boyfriend sexual favors. Her dignity and even her personal safety are unimportant. What's important is that he gets what he wants. Society does not always require a sailor suit, but there does seem to be a limited set of personas from which all women must choose in order to be sexually appealing:

School Girl: The Britney Spears type. She wears pig tails, short, pleated, plaid skirts, and white blouses. She's naive and innocent and says things like, "I've never done this before, teach me." Corruption is fun.
School Girl = sex with potential.

Hippie Girl: She wears beads, flowers, and light, flowy fabrics and will often be heard saying things like, "Make love not war." She's into free love, and the general public loves free things.
Hippie Girl = sex with no strings attached.

Girl Pal: She wears baseball caps, and T-shirts and says things like, "Come on, lets watch the game." Men who like sports and TV love the girl pal.
Girl Pal = sex without the messy emotions.

Party Girl: She wears animal prints and sparkles and dies her hair purple. She likes to have a good time, and says things like, "I'll try anything once." This girl is open to experimentation, and people like that.
Party Girl = sex with variety.

Exhibitionist: She wears short skirts with no underwear, is fond of flashing, and likes to scream a lot - in public. Everybody notices this girl.
Exhibitionist = sex with thrills.

Healer: She's ethereal looking, with startling eyes and glowing skin. She likes to talk about oneness and spiritual connections. People feel closer to God when they are with her.
Healer = sex with transcendence.

Caregiver: She either wears a leggy maid's uniform, or a form-fitting white nurse's uniform. The nurse likes to say things like, "Open up and say "Ahhhh." Generally, people love the generosity of this fantasy.
Caregiver = sex your way.

Sophisticate: She wears glasses, stiletto heels, and an updo, and she likes to talk about how French men make wonderful lovers. People find her exciting because she has cosmopolitan and/or international experience.
Sophisticate = sex with high class romance.

Candy Girl: She loves pink hearts, wears fruity perfume, and says things like, "How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of the tootsie pop?" People like her because she's so sweet.
Candy Girl = sex with fun and games.

Mysterious Girl: She's fond of smoky eyes, and long hair. She speaks a foreign language, or doesn't speak at all. People like her because they love the thrill of the unknown.
Mysterious Girl = sex with suspense.

Farmer Girl: She wears overalls and braids and says, "Come on, let's go outside and play!" She has a healthy hunger for sex and a lot of energy for rolling in the hay.
Farmer Girl = sex with appetite.

These fantasy personas are all ridiculous!!!! There is not one woman who fits any one of them. Trying to fit a mold like this takes away a woman's individuality.

For those who buy into these stereotypes I have a message:

I am not your fantasy woman.

How would I describe my sexuality without category?

My fingers are soothing, my scent is sharp, and my lips are light. My love is heavy.

© Maggie Blackshear

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