Balance by Angie Fenton Caramel colored flesh white mother, black father Blonde hair, blue-green eyes, small, thin nose, pale, creamy skin will never be mine. Dark ebony flesh, full, sensual lips, melodic African-inspired name will never be mine. Freshly pressed hair, neither kinky nor bone straight, worn "too white" black girls say. My words, my thoughts, my clothes, my walk "Sell out!" they scream. Black girls whose insides are freshly painted white. They see, they judge, they hate. African sisters I long to embrace will never be mine. White girls snicker, and laugh, and taunt: "Nigger, nigger." I’ll never be one of them. No. I’ll never be one of them. Mama said I’m beautiful with my light brown skin, my big brown eyes. Daddy loved my desire for words, as I coaxed and coddled and made them mine. I saw caramel-colored flesh from White mother, black father Little nigger sellout girl inside And tried to force her out, starve her out, Stick a finger down my throat and vomit her out. I walked a fine, fine line, afraid to step left, step right. I walked that damn fine line, fell off, and began drawing my own path, deep and thick, in the soil. Now, I feel rhythms ingrained as though music dwells in my soul. I allow summer sun to deepen the hue of my flesh. I listen to Kenny Rogers, meeting up with the Gambler, Tracy Chapman talkin’ ‘bout a revolution, Ella Fitzgerald watching over me, Rhapsody on a theme of Paganini, the 18th variation. And I know words are an art, taking soft pride in my use of these instruments of life. Sweet black-white blood Pumps strong and fresh and pure, and I know that I’m proof peace will surely come Someday. (C) Angie Fenton Submit your comments on this commentary to our MoxieTalk discussion group by clicking here!   You can also send your comments directly to the author using the form below. You can do both by typing your response below, submitting it and then copying it, going to MoxieTalk, and pasting it into the form there for posting a message. Please include your e-mail address if you would like the author to be able to write you back.   [FrontPage Save Results Component] Copyright 2002  Moxie Magazine All Rights Reserved